The Unhipster

a typical day in the office

July 19, 2013
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my “office” is a window-less converted fileroom, shared by all employees.  every day i hear every conversation, every conference call, every sniffle, most mouse clicks.  this can be mildly annoying during those rare moments when i actually need to use my brain to problem solve or compose a confusing email. when that happens i usually just go home, not to work in peace and quiet, but to water the plants or watch breaking bad.

it’s fairly entertaining listening to my coworker call her 85 year old mother on speakerphone everyday to find out what’s for dinner. or just to “check in”.  it usually goes something like this:

ring, ring.

mother: HELLO?

coworker: what are you doing?

mother: nothing

coworker: well are you thinking of doing anything?

mother: i was thinking of turning on the stove…

generally i only pay attention when i feel like it. i can ignore work conversations simply because they’re not interesting enough to listen to.  but today i heard someone leave a voicemail for the vet asking if dixie the dog could be seen tomorrow for an anal extraction.  having to think about what exactly an “anal extraction” even is was not something i wanted to think about as i ate my grilled cheese at my computer desk (but it doesn’t sound pleasant and i don’t envy dixie’s saturday morning).

i tend to take my calls outside of the room, but i seem to be the only one who does.

Posted in work!

all yokes aside

July 2, 2013
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i was driving with my friend, sara, the other day and she pointed out this billboard.  yes yes, it is definitely the yoke that makes the egg McMuffin unhealthy.  all that egg yoke fat and cholesterol, and only half the protein of what’s in the white part.  thank god for the egg white delight option.  one less cardio workout i need to do.


Posted in hmmm...

1977 Scout II

December 4, 2012
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Craigslist never ceases to amuse.  today i went perusing for a new car or truck.  a particular  “holiday sale” listing for a 1977 Scout II (see below) piqued my interest because practicality has always run rampant through my being.  anyway, this brilliant Craiglister was offering a “Holiday sale till christmas night” which I guess means the price goes up on Dec. 26th after it’s been sitting on the site for 30 days at the “discounted” price.  this is definitely how Craigslist works.

so i read on and noticed that the seller would like a cash transaction but is also open to “trades for firearms or tig/mig welding equipment”and just like that, my dream of driving home a cute orange Scout II as old as me (before Christmas night) comes to a screeching halt.

Posted in hmmm...


December 4, 2012
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i still don’t know what a hash tag is.  after all these years.  after seeing that little pound sign littered across social networking sites, i still don’t quite know what it’s for.  i even had to ask Mother Google the other day, but she didn’t even give me a straight answer.  or maybe i just didn’t want to know?  i mean, i always thought they related to topics you could follow on twitter, but that’s as far as i got with grasping the whole concept.  and now it seems they are everywhere.  everywhere making no sense at all.  where does the little information go? and what is the point?  and who said you could just make them up?  let’s say i take a picture and post it on Facebook.  let’s say i comment with #ittybittytittycommittee.  what becomes of this?  i would love to know.  and yet, maybe i prefer to dwell in my ignorance.  keeping up with the latest trends in cyberspace should be reserved for those who can still bounce back from 1 am jager shots.





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vintage apartment available

November 21, 2012
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while perusing Craigslist for rental properties i curiously clicked on a listing that read “Vintage 1BR Apartment.”  perhaps my copy of Webster’s is way out of date, but when did the definition of “vintage” become “piece of shit rat hole you couldn’t pay me to live in”??  If this is a joke to lure and laugh at vintage-loving urbanites, well…huh, nice work i suppose.  but something tells me “Jessica” from Pinnacle Real Estate Management is not that cunning.  the fact that one of the six “rental features” advertised is a freezer really just says it all (note: there is no mention of a refrigerator).  that’s like a hotel advertising they have beds.  its an assumption i’m pretty sure we can all make.

here is a picture of the beautiful “vintage” exterior.

nothing says”vintage” like generic grey carpets and small single-pane windows. 

but MOST impressive is this “vintage” toilet. irresistable.

Posted in hmmm..., snapshots

an evening read

November 20, 2012
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pixie enjoys a good web browse now and again.  here she is, taking in a funny Gawker article.  though she generally prefers cat-ish activities such as eating everything in sight and spreading litter pellets all over the house –  especially where the floor board meets the wall – every once in awhile she’ll engage in cerebral exercises.  thank god we have the same type of humor…although though her reading skills are well below what they should be (i blame the republicans).

i walked home

November 20, 2012
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i just walked the 24 city blocks home from my office, in business casual attire, wearing the equivalent of outside slippers (Toms), while listening to a 3 minute and 13 second Carly Rae Jepsen song on repeat.  i have no idea why i did that and i feel no different now, outside of the small realization that 1. perhaps i can exercise patience after all and 2. i may be slowly going insane.

i could have taken the bus, called for a cab, or called for the ride that was already offered to me.  i could have listened to one of the numerous playlists on my ipod.  i made a decision (devoid of logic) and went with it.  though i spent the majority of the walk silently congratulating myself for keeping my cool under this self-inflicted irritating circumstance, there were fleeting moments (emphasis on fleeting) where i actually stopped the cognitive activity of analysis and acceptance and just noticed the things in front of me: dogs out for their evening poop walk and urban landscape.  the owner of a toy chihuahua said hello.  yeah, my toes were cold, my purse was too heavy, “Call Me Maybe” was quickly losing its catchy appeal, but i consciously chose to not get annoyed…it took every fiber in my body, but it worked.  perhaps it was a forced perspective, but the reality that ensued was this: i spent 37 minutes burning a few calories, learning which streets temporarily have no sidewalk access, and thinking about the merits of buying a used volvo.  all in all, not unpleasant.

now if i could only learn how to apply this same maxim to my job.  HAHAHAHAHAHHA!  37 minutes of cardio and monotonous radio pop is not the same thing as a corporate office prison cell that you will likely inhabit until the age of retirement.  try again Gandhi.  there is certain enlightenment that most certainly can never be attained.

Posted in snapshots

don’t put it on your bumper, it goes in the trash

November 13, 2012
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i’m going to start a list of bumper stickers that need to be banned. the list is going to start with this one.  and it’s going to include every other bumper sticker that was ever made.

while we’re at it, i wouldn’t mind getting rid of all the RAV 4s…

Posted in snapshots, work!

no more post-its

October 4, 2012
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so i have embarked on a bit of a personal sebbatical, but the original plan of going to midcoast Maine to work and relax in peaceful solitude backfired when i found myself carless.  so i am “crashing” at my mother’s condo in NH.  anyway, the days (when i am home alone working) are nice and the nights generally require a wine/xanax cockail, especially Mondays and Tuesdays when Dancing With The Stars is on.

anyway, i think my mother uses more post-its than most corporate offices.  little notes all over the house, with phone numbers, websites, names, LL Bean order numbers.  just looking around at all the little notes drives me insane.  i told her “no more post-its! that’s not the way to get organized. compile your important information in one notebook, or better yet, somewhere on the computer.”

last night she came home from rite aide with this: a pack of index cards.  me: “what is this!?”  mom: “i’m going to get organized, you said no more post-its!”  the concept was completely lost on her.

Posted in hmmm...

take off those croakies

July 25, 2012
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here is one observation from this past weekend: there is an exorbitant amount of croakies in boulder, Co.  unless you are cranking some epic edge (that is rock climbing lingo) or setting sail on a catamaran from martha’s vineyard, or i suppose if you don’t have ears to hold the sunglasses in place, i don’t believe you should be wearing these things.  yet i’m pretty sure i saw 2 out of every 3 people in boulder wearing them.  and i was not standing in line to scale the flat irons.  i was engaging in normal sunday human activity, drinking at brunch.

here is a man making good use of his croakies, in an appropriate setting

Posted in hmmm..., snapshots
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